Is your reactive dog aggressive — or frustrated?

When we see a dog barking, lunging or screaming at another dog, we call it reactivity. But the behavior

we see on the outside doesn’t necessarily tell us what’s actually going on emotionally for that dog.

One of the big questions I look at is:

Does this dog want to go towards the other dog, or do they want that dog to go away?

Because those are two very different emotional responses, even though from the outside they can look remarkably similar.

A dog reacting from fear or aggression may be barking to say, “Go away. I don’t want you near me.” As another dog gets closer, their level of overwhelm increases and, if pushed too far, they may lash out or bite.

Then we have what I call the frustrated greeter.

A frustrated greeter may bark, scream and pull towards another dog because they actually want to get closer. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they know what to do once they get there.

Sometimes it’s almost:

“I really want to see you… I really want to see you… OH GOD, now you’re here and I don’t know what to do!”

And that can then result in barking, snapping or lashing out because the dog has become completely overwhelmed.

So you can have a dog that genuinely wants social contact but is also unsure or frightened once that interaction becomes real.

I’m working with a couple of dogs like this at the moment, and it’s really interesting watching their journey.

Often, as we work through reactivity, a dog can move from being fully reactive, to becoming curious, to eventually wanting to understand and investigate other dogs.

At some point, therefore, we have to move from:

“I need to keep my dog away from every dog.”

to:

“How do I safely and gradually allow my dog to get closer?”

That doesn’t mean letting them rush straight up to dogs. It means carefully controlled exposure where they can start learning what being around another dog actually feels like.

Body language can give us clues too.

Is the body relatively soft? Is the tail moving? Is the dog frustrated but interested? Or are they stiff, showing teeth, bouncing forwards and backwards, trying to increase distance?

Another little clue I saw with a dog recently was what happened when another dog walked away.

He barked as the dog passed, but when I gave him a little more lead, he simply wanted to follow.

He was interested.

And quite often these dogs don’t necessarily want to go straight towards the “bitey end” of another dog! They may feel much safer following behind and gathering information through sniffing.

Frustrated greeters are also often more likely to already have some dog friends. Given enough time and the right introduction, they may be perfectly capable of spending time around other dogs.

But there’s another important point.

A dog can start off as a frustrated greeter and eventually develop aggression.

If frustration is repeated over and over again, and every dog encounter becomes more overwhelming, the emotional response can change.

The interesting thing is that, whichever end of this spectrum your dog sits on, a lot of the training starts in the same place.

We slow everything down.

We reduce fear.We reduce frustration.We change the emotional response to seeing another dog.

And most importantly, we help the dog learn to communicate with us again.

If your dog can see another dog at a safe enough distance and still check back in with you, you’ve got somewhere to start.

From there, you can begin helping them think rather than simply react.

And that’s when the real work begins.